I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
