so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize