I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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