i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its not stalking. its research.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
