Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
