It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
