We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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