i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
