watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
