Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
