Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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