If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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