got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this boner is exhausting
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
