i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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