Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
