Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
