I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
