guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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