I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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