I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
the raccoons are back...
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