this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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