i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
