This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
