I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
