i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will be naked everywhere
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We need a shit load of segways right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
