last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
