ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
