Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
