I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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