Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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