Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
