She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
