Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
