Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
