Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
