Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
