They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
