yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
