I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
