Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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