I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
