You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
