The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
