How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize