I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
