the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
