Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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