what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
