He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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