You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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