I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
