That's intense
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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