She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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