Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize