I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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