My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
this is an emotional support booty call
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
