The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it hurts more in the daytime
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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