Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
