another moral hangover. fuck.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize