I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
