i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
