No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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