I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
