That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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