Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
