You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
