So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
