he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
