I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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