So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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