I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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