Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
