I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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