I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
