East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He felt like a one man threesome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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