why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
