yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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