I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
