Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Houston, we have a blender
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
