were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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