Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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