On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
