I'm going to jail i love you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sext me about skeletons
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
