So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
