i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
