Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
